“Bring me a higher love, bring me a higher love. Look inside your heart and I’ll look inside mine. ”

–Steve Winwood 

I recently had someone reach out to me saying, “Brooke, Help! I’m really anxious and cannot stop snooping through my boyfriend’s phone to see if he’s cheating!”

 Sister, put. That. Phone. Down.

 If he actually is cheating, you won’t find it because there are all sorts of sneaky ways for someone to hide their behavior with technology that you can’t even imagine. It’s a dark world out there.   

 I have heard it all from people who have been cheated on and let me tell you: they are good liars and good hiders- that’s why they’re cheating in the first place. Because they are not good at intimacy: they can’t tell the truth about who they are to their person because it’s scary.  It’s scary to say, “I’m wanting more of this or more of that or I’d love this or I don’t love this” because you might be rejected or disappointed. And so people hedge their bets and share who they are with someone who doesn’t mean as much because the risk isn’t as great.

 Also- the truth ALWAYS surfaces. I once had a client pray for discernment around her relationship: later that day her husband “accidentally” sent a text to her that was obviously NOT MEANT FOR HER. What is done in the shadows ALWAYS comes to the light. You don’t have to look for it. It will reveal itself.

 But here’s the other side of the coin: if he isn’t cheating, a sane person can only take not being trusted for so long.  You’ll gradually chip away at the foundation of the relationship and what could have been something really awesome.  I tell my clients, “if you keep accusing someone, they’re eventually going to take you up on the offer.” 

 Thus, fulfilling your fear that they will cheat on you and leave.

 I used to worry about cheating and all sorts of things until I started trusting myself.

 I’m not really afraid of any potential behaviors anymore because I trust myself to be able to handle whatever happens day to day.  

 And so here’s the thing: if you can’t trust him, darling, it’s more likely that you can’t trust yourself. Luckily, this is work that you can begin today- no matter what he does or doesn’t do. Place your hand on your heart, take a deep breath and say, “how can I show up for myself today? “

 And this is your power.